Categories: General
      Date: Aug  3, 2009
     Title: August 2009

Enough Already With Pompous Business Writing

"Management Speak: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
Translation: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different."~ anonymous Internet wag

On occasion, I identify myself as a “communications consultant,” although I’ve been doing that less and less, preferring the more straightforward “trainer” (business writing, presentation skills and media relations). To me, the word consultant far too often equates with long meetings, dark suits and websites stuffed with phrases such as “paradigm shift.”

It occurred to me some time ago that people who fancy themselves consultants are –- deliberately or otherwise –- using our mother tongue to exclude, when English can be a marvelous tool for including our readers in what we have to say. Have a look at this enticing paragraph from a management consulting site:

“Projects are customized based on client needs. Due diligence services range from initial validation of targets to detailed on-site due diligence visits to the preparation of complete integration plans. Management consulting services, aimed at enhancing organizational effectiveness, are typically intensive studies that identify cost-saving opportunities and define appropriate actionable go-forward plans. Strict confidentiality is maintained for all engagements.”

Really? That’s what you want me to pay for? My reaction:

• Where do I find the actual content you’ve so cleverly hidden behind mindless copycat phrases such as “due diligence?” Does deploying it twice in the same sentence mean you’re doubly due diligent?
• “…initial validation of targets”? What targets?
• Thank you for offering a “complete” integration plan. After all, so many other websites candidly warn me that their work is often incomplete.
• You’re going to “define appropriate actionable go-forward plans”? Yes, I hope they’re “appropriate.” In these tough times, I’d rather not spend my money on anything inappropriate. And the “actionable” part is particularly reassuring. I certainly don’t want a consultant who tells me to fold my business because I have absolutely no options. Thank you also for inventing words like actionable. The language is so much richer as a result.
• Defining your hoped-for plans as “go-forward” is just the sort of precision that makes me want to reach right out and hire you. It makes my choices so much clearer if I know that actually going back in time or staying right where I am in some sort of other-dimensional stasis won’t be included in your sage advice.
• Finally, your writing tells me that you’d be equally pompous and obtuse and unimaginative and just plain dull sitting across from me at a shiny conference table.

I’m also seeing a word that ranks right down there with “due diligence” when it comes to shallow and rather stupid communicating. See if you can find it in this phrase from another website:

“...to help formulate and deploy their business strategies and bring about transformational change to produce successful results.”

Yes, of course, it’s “transformational,” isn’t it? Do you know of any other kind of change? Is there a change that falls short of transforming that which is being changed? If “change” and “transform” somehow differ in degree, who is the architect of such a shift, and why are the rest of us parroting him or her? More importantly, if “transformational” has more clout than “change,” aren’t we diluting its impact by repeating it every bloody time we have a chance to appear thoughtful and authoritative?

Reminds me of Jim Baker standing up right at the beginning of the protracted dispute over the 2000 presidential election results and telling us that the Bush side of the recount would be “transparent.” Ask yourself how many times you’ve heard that one. Then ask yourself how many times you’ve heard promises to be “opaque” in similarly sensitive investigations or analyses.

That’s enough ranting. Just a couple more items.

First, you can’t be the “most unique.” Unique is one of a kind. Making that distinction is the type of thing that separates scribblers from professional communicators who treat their readers with respect.

Second:

“Management: We have to leverage our resources.
Translation: We’re working weekends.”

Take care.

Dave